hi hi hi gue cuma pengen get things out of my head aja jadi gue bakal ngerant di sini:D
soooo as you guys might know, i've dealt with a lot of intrusive thoughts throughout my high school years, especially this year karena udah masuk senior year kan. dan gue baru tau kalau it's not something new buat murid di sekolah gue to have the same struggle as mine! in fact, a lot of my friends suffer the same problem as me, unsurprising but still disappointing.
kenapa gue bilang kalo disappointing? YAIYALAH! sekolah kan supposed to be a safe place ya, lo di sekolah buat belajar dan truth is we spent a lot more time at school rather than at home kan? kalo environment di mana lo belajar malah gak nyaman, unsupportive, dan bikin lo gak merasa aman/tertekan then the aim to be a place to educate people ya hilang dong?
terus, yang gue sadar dari dua tahun terakhir sekolah di sekolah ini adalah:
- guru-guru di sekolah ini BANYAK yang insensitive, terutama sama hal-hal yang jadi struggle di kalangan siswa mereka
- guru-guru banyak yang bigot and they made sure to share their bigotry to equally bigot students
- lingkungan sekolah ini over all unsupportive buat sisi non-akademik siswa (di luar aspek religious ya)
gue gatau sih, you can add more or argue with my points as those are my mere observation and personal opinion towards this system.
gue juga mau bahas sedikit tentang personal opinion gue mengenai AMT yang kemaren seminggu full gue ikutin (jujur capek banget T-T). gue ngerasa amaze sih sama achievement yang dishare ke kita sama para fasilitator, tapi di sisi lain gue ngerasa kalo at some points, the whole point of AMT ini cuma buat show off berkedok motivation training. dan kadang gue ngerasa kalo tujuan acara ini ya gak lebih dari molding students into a mold, and so called mold adalah orang-orang industri!
ya iya sih harusnya gue gak kaget juga kan emang ini sekolah aim nya buat menciptakan pekerja industri yang kreatif dan inovatif. TAPI GUE SEBEL AJA KAN ACHIEVEMENT ITU BANYAK TAPI KENAPA SELALU DITEKENIN "as a chemical analyst" NO! I WANT TO BE A DIPLOMAT T-T
ya pokoknya gue punya hatred mendarah daging aja sama sekolah ini. rip to me, not dead yet, just lost their hope and trust to their own dreams.
lo tau gak sih ada satu titik di kelas 13 ini yang bikin s word ideation gue so bad i wrote some fucking notes for my friends and brother? JAHSJAS KALIAN JUGA PASTI PERNAH KAN NGERASAIN TITIK KAYAK GINI?
also one more notes, gue kadang ngerasa kalo guru-guru are so unsupportive to the point gue merasa malu kalo gak bisa nyelesain sesuatu sendiri. padahal the point of education ya biar lo gak merasa malu ketika lo merasa gak bisa dan jadi mau belajar buat bisa tanpa ngerasa embarrassed? tapi this school did so much damage to me hence gue can't even start something i supposed to like without having a massive self doubts, intense embarrassment of myself, and huge meltdown first.
ya i will be back for more rant, but for now that's all. semoga kita bisa cepet keluar dari hell hole ini ya fellas.
ciao,
zee.
